I sort of swore I wouldn’t go into my personal life in this new incarnation of the-cow.net blog, but I guess I’m just weak. The actual gaming-related whining is somewhere down a few paragraphs.

The original the-cow.net’s (back in 2002, yikes, that’s 7 years ago) first post read “Well, I’m single again” and it was posted on the day a relationship that had tried to turn me into a “normal person” had ended.

During the time I spent living in it, I did my best to focus on the things that aren’t frowned upon by the mainstream society – I worked hard, I did what I could to be a good boyfriend, and kept a very presentable self-image so that we wouldn’t be marked as “strange people”. For a while we lived in what was probably closest thing to a gated community there was in Turku. So I cut back on my habits of watching strange Science Fiction television series, focusing on on “funny” family friendly comedies. I didn’t have any time for RPGing, but instead exercised at the gym. I didn’t hang out with the LARPers on my free time as I was befriending the neighbors and had barbecue with them.

In general I was being the guy that I could see the girl wanting to spend her life with. Sad thing was that I wasn’t really that guy at all. I’m a geek, through and true. So eventually there was bad blood, there were tears and there was the end of the relationship.

After that I spent time finding a balance to the question of what I wanted to be in a relationship, something that led me to avoid them for a long time. Either I saw a “critical flaw” in the other party, one that made me think I’d have to compromise myself to be with them, so I didn’t even bother. Or I’d again found myself drifting into the role of that “normal guy” to impress them, and then, disgusted at myself, would back off before things got serious.

So yesterday, the topic of “Do you cut your game sessions short so you can see me sooner?” came up when talking with my girlfriend. It’s one of those questions that have no good answer, really – either I’m placing more value on the gaming than on the relationship or it’s an indication that I’m once again slipping to the “compromising who I am just to be with you” pattern I had fallen prey to all those years earlier.

Like I’ve mentioned before in the blog, our gaming group’s sessions have been going through a scheduling crisis the past year or two. We’re in a situation where even a simple game can get delayed for months because people don’t manage to fit their timetables together. On one hand this is because we’re busy with our lives and jobs, but on the other it’s become an issue of prioritizing. Everything goes before the games. But then, why would you want to spend the evening pretending to be in a fantasy world killing goblins when you can go see a great gig at the local nightclub? If it was just that sort of things that can be easily justified, I think there wouldn’t be a problem. Sadly, before gaming also comes watching some movie alone in your room, washing your hair or ordering your sock drawer. Games feel like a very low priority hobby sometimes.

And as it feels that much a prioritizing issue, I tend to ask those of my players who have problems with their schedules if they really want to continue playing. And let them know it’s not a bad thing to quit if they don’t feel like carrying on. But it seems that the issue really is about time just being a rare commodity and people not being available on the same days. Player A has choir practice on Monday and Thursday, and Player B could only play on those days. Finding a day that fits everyone is painful, and everyone wants to play.

So, cutting the game short once we’ve managed to get the session ready would be a bit unprofessional. And I told her the truth – I haven’t been cutting the sessions short to get to her earlier. But the rarity of the games is not the only reason why I answered so.

It’s been a way of gaming for us to keep game sessions short. 3-5 hours. This might seem counterproductive since we’re having such long breaks between sessions, but there are good reasons for it. With such busy schedules, investing 3-5 hours every now and then to a game is trivial – You can still get back home after it and prepare the presentation for the bank merger you need to have ready by the morning. It won’t ruin your life to commit to play in such a game. And also, you don’t really need more time to have a good game session. A lot can be accomplished in for example 4 hours. Everyone gets to play their bits and the attention spans stay solid (unless you give the players lots and lots of sugar to eat, but that’s besides the subject).

Doubling the time of the game to 8 hours would never double the time of productive play. Extra hours add up to exhaustion and eventual silliness that follows. And people would be tired as they’ve just come from work and will need to be up again in 4 hours when the game is over. And as a lot of our games rely on improvisation more than tedious pre-planning, exhaustion of the GM will hit at some point and start weighing down the game.

If I need to mention a major downside of the short games, it is that we’re friends, and friends need to gossip and be social when they meet each other. So if some people haven’t talked in a while, they will want time to do that before we start the game. So sometimes the planned 5 hours turns into 3 as everyone has to catch up on what’s been happening. But like said, you can accomplish a lot of gaming even if the time is limited. As long as everyone is into what’s happening and willing to contribute.

So if it takes 1.5 months to organize a 3 hour game session, it would be a bit wrong towards everyone for me to cut that to 2 hours because I wanted to be with my girlfriend just a bit earlier. But even if I said I haven’t cut a session short to get to her sooner, there is a “but”. Just like there always is. If it would happen that she’d ask me to cut a session short, I would.

So, nothing’s different from before? I’m still willing to make compromises to be something my girlfriend wants? Bad Alvan? Well, let’s compare… I’m working hard (well, been on a vacation, but theoretically), I’m trying my best to be a good boyfriend. I’m not watching that many odd SciFi shows (more to do with there being not that many good SciFi shows airing), but even fewer family comedies. I’m using some of my free time playing RPGs and some going to the gym. I’m hanging out with LARPers (if Karaoke with them counts) and barbecuing with friends when I have the opportunity. And if my girlfriend asks, I’m willing to cut down on my personal time… So nuances have changed, but it doesn’t really look that different.

The beauty of it all is in the why. I’m being myself. So when I say that I would cut a session short if my girlfriend asked, it’s because there is no ambiguity about all the trouble we go through to get the games arranged. It’s easy to trust her with the power when she’s seen  me curse all my players to the depths of hell when yet another game falls through.

And like I trust her with knowing what things mean, I do trust my players to eventually get their schedules sorted. We managed to complete one campaign (even if it took time), we’ll manage the others. As long as they’re being truthful to me when they say they want to continue playing RPGs, it will be possible to find a date that fits all the players. And then we’ll play for a few hours, kill some goblins, fight off dragons and then spend ages wondering when on Earth do we have time for that short burst of fun again.

<Dilithium> ok guys, no googling, what are the 7 continents?
<negationix> pangea
<negationix> rest is modern humbug
<Alvan> finland and lots of our suburbia
<negationix> pangea and Finland and suburbs of Finland and pellucidar
<negationix> that’s 4
<ryuu> antartic makes 5
<ryuu> I’ve seen him, I know he exists
<Alvan> I think Pluto is one, now that it’s no-longer a planet
<negationix> makes sense
<negationix> I saw wikipedia article about pluto, “pluto, just a rock”
<negationix> and we all know continents are usually made of rock
<negationix> (except maybe antartic)
<ryuu> I think Abe Vigoda is one
<ryuu> no wait, that was incontinent
<Alvan> well, everything abe’s not must be a continent
<Alvan> so that’s 7
<negationix> yeah
<negationix> so that’s pangea, finland, finland’s suburbs, pellucidar, antartic, pluto and not abe vigoda
<Alvan> do we win a prize?

To freely quote Back to the Future: “Doc, we better back up. We don’t have enough clothes to get up to 88.” “Clothes? Where we’re going we don’t need clothes.” – I’m wearing my last dress shirt and still have one full set of clothes (t-shirt, underpants, socks) for the airplane trip tomorrow morning.

Tonight’s “who I share my sleeping place with” roulette awarded me with 3 Norwegians. I guess the odds of getting them was quite high, considering not many people stayed for today.

So, yesterday was “move from the convention center back to civilization” day. At the after-dinner yesterday it really hit me how much fun this week has actually been and how much I’ve missed “the scene” (and by the scene I mean the people who tend to have an active role in it). I kind of miss these crazy knutepunkt people already. And I’m still in Oslo. Hmm. Should probably say some highlights from yesterday… Maybe waking up, maybe eating breakfast. Possibly going to sleep.

At this point, I’m pretty sure they’ve added something to the drinking water here. They are advertising coffee with a slogan that’s roughly “It costs more! So it has to be better!” … Only in Norway. The sleeping arrangements have slowly but surely been standardized, so it’s still 2 Israelis and 4 Swedes here with me. Yesterday’s highlights include me swearing never to dance Pornopolkka again and nice presentation about Company P’s Dollplay, something I’ve mentioned here before.

The weather was a bit gray yesterday, but that didn’t really matter so much. Also, it is to be noted that even the blisters on my feet have blisters now.

I listened to a lecture by a guy who had found enlightenment through LARP, chatted about finlandsvensk being the proper way to speak Swedish with an award-winning author and finally managed to maintain room-mates for like one day. 2 Israelis, 4 Swedes still. Very cool weather going on yesterday. Now I should go get lunch

Day three. I think the bananas are plotting against me, but I can’t really understand their simple, yet beautiful language. After moving from beautiful Oslo to the middle of nowhere, the group of two Latvians and four Danes got turned into two Israelians and four Swedes.

Now the Swedes are watching South Park and I’m blogging. We’re in the middle of nowhere and there’s 4 people in the room, one of them being a girl. And there are now three laptops on the table and active. I think there is something seriously wrong with Scandinavians.

So-far I’ve been to one (harry potter ?!!?!!) LARP and one lecture. What I’ve learned so-far is that what happens at knutepunkt stays on facebook. And it ain’t pretty. Also, I smell of smoke. Not cigarette smoke. Wood smoke.

Yesterday was a “walk and mingle” day. Went to see the Vigaland partk, will hopefully have pics of that at some point somewhere. My feet haven’t hurt this much in a while. The new knutebook looks really nice. Also, the Danish are multiplying. Now there were four.

“Someone better tell Norway, they were pretty close”

Sitting on a balcony, somewhere in Oslo.

Yesterday I arrived at Oslo airport at 18:30, managed to get to the apartment I’m staying around 19:30 and was whisked about to a restaurant around 19:35. Lots of nice people here. Went to bed sharing the flat with two Latvians, woke up and the place is now filled with Danes. Sometimes I wonder..

Also, if you ever have the opportunity to eat the special kebab at noah’s ark. do so!

On tonight’s “you sort of had to be there to get it”:

Alvan: Listen, all I’m saying is that clichés aren’t all bad

Spikey: Hear hear, people who are looking at things through a black and white filter, skin deep will go “Argh, another cliché! This ain’t original! It’s POOP!” And then I’ll be all horrified by their simplistic views and will have to fight with them about it.

Alvan: Clichés are Clichés because they’re things that have been proven to work.

Spikey: So say we all.

Alvan: Of course, it boils down to how you use them. The situation and presentation.

Spikey: So say we all.

Alvan: And there is nothing wrong with a guy wearing a dress.

Spikey: Providing one can stop the sniffage of glue on the correct date.

Alvan: So say we all.

So, Game Mastering is like making love to a beautiful woman – Lots of work, but if you do it well and you do a lot of it, it gives you something to talk about when you’re golfing with your divorce lawyer.

Cosmo, GQ and other magazines are full of seduction tips. To be honest, half of the tips are basic human interaction stuff just put into words so that people realize what they are already doing / what they are already doing wrong. The other half of the tips are something that can be used by a good GM to accomplish something in the games they’re running. So, in spirit of these – a top ten list of seduction tips that have their uses for GMs.

10 – Be the Alpha

In social animals, the alpha is the individual in the community to whom the others follow and defer.

- Wikipedia

This neat little tip has two ways it relates to RPG sessions and Game Mastering. First, while it doesn’t necessarily mean that when one of the lower-ranking members of the group gets out of line, you’ll dry hump them against the table until they recognize your superiority, it does mean that you are expected to have some charge of the situation. While there are games where the Game Master isn’t the ultimate authority in the game world, it is a fact that if you’re the one inviting people over to play and organizing the gaming situation, you’re in a way responsible of keeping things rolling. This is an authority position and you should embrace it as such. Someone needs to think of the game first, and that’s sort of your role. If the others think about it as well, that’s good too.

The second thing about being an alpha in a game is that you need to be able to stand confidently behind your words. If you say that something is happening in the game world, then that is happening in the game world. If you constantly have to go about correcting yourself, you appear insecure, and the rest of the pack will a) eat you alive b) leave you behind to the wolves. Depending if you’re carnivores or vegetarians. The most common type of failure in taking charge of your actions is demonstrated best by the following:

Players: “We enter the room”

You: “There are three menacing yeti in the room”

Player 1: “Yeti, sweet. My character has this special ability to make any yeti my friend. I’ll use that.”

You: “You can’t do that, they seem to be uhmn… mind controlled yeti!”

Player 2: “Great, I’ll use my character’s de-mind-control -power to make them not mind controlled. And then P1 can make them his friend!”

You: “Uhmn… They’re robots. They attack! Roll for Initiative!”

If you say they’re yeti, be man enough to keep them yeti even if it that doesn’t lead to the result you were originally hoping for. Don’t let that weakness seep through. The players are most likely expecting you to be the reliable leader that is best for their pack. Act the role. (Note: Being an alpha doesn’t mean being macho or even manly. You don’t need to boast – let the actions speak for you.)

9 – Stay Fit, Have a Life

If you sit in your mom’s basement and just watch TV and eat cheeseburgers, you might get great ideas for your games and your friends might really like the way you run them. But seriously, for a game master, there are two great reasons for staying fit and having a life.

First is that frankly you’re a lot better off when you’re in good shape and have some form of social life beyond your gaming group. Being fit makes you more cheerful and less lethargic. And an energetic game master is a good thing to have. The second, a bit less obvious bit is that having a life and being in shape means you’ll be out and about. Meeting interesting new personalities and getting mugged by yet another generation of street thugs. Experiencing the life outside the four walls of your home. By having a larger social peer group you will not be obsessing about games as much, and you’ll be guaranteed to get some real inspiration out of that. You’ll hear stories that are odd and wonderful. Low key and world shattering to the people telling them. A new person you meet might give you an idea for a new character. Or she might turn out to be the love of your life, for that matter. But the first thing is to get off your ass and go get a life.

Also, there is no shame in dressing in something else than black jeans and the Metallica T-Shirt you bought 15 years ago. Getting a shave and a haircut wouldn’t hurt either. Just saying. Real job maybe?

8 – You Cannot Seduce Someone Who Doesn’t Want To Be Seduced

Sometimes there are players and games that just aren’t meant to work together. Maybe the player has very different ideas about roleplaying than you, or maybe she just doesn’t like you, the fellow players or the game. Maybe she’s going through a rough patch and the game isn’t what she needs just now. Maybe she’s a pretentious bitch who thinks you’re a lowly brute for your interest in 12th century underwear. You just need to set your personal motivations aside and let her slide. The game will be harmed more by the obtrusive player than it will be by her leaving the group.

If you notice a player who is constantly away from your games, or cancels at the last possible moment, or just doesn’t seem like she’s really that interested, be frank about it and offer her a way out of the group. If you can’t say “Okay, this doesn’t work and I don’t want you to come to this game anymore,” tell her a lie – something along the lines that there is a friend who would like to join the game and could take over her character. It gives her a way out that leaves everyone feeling a bit better. Sure, saying to someone that it might be better to “do it” with someone else is painful, but will help a lot in the long run.

7 – Seduction Is As Much About Conceal As It’s About Reveal

The age old wisdom from the TV series Lost is that a good way to keep the audience hooked to a show is to generate more questions than you give answers to. Also, the same show has taught us that if you overdo this, it just gets ridiculous. When you have a good group together and you’re selling your game to them, keep them wanting more – keep them waiting to find out what happens next. And after teasing them for a while, give them a reward for their patience. Reveal to them some of the things you’ve been teasing them with.

You can use this question-answer cycle as a motive for the game to move forward – if you leave something hanging in the air, you can then have the characters go explore it. By doing that they’ll find out things about it, but also new questions. Don’t answer all the questions you have posed with new questions. That just gets frustrating for everyone.

6 – Use Stories To Sell You

This has actually more to do with selling NPCs than selling you. When you introduce a person to the game and want it to be interesting, give it a story to tell the players. By a story I don’t mean a full-fledged narrative, but something that is interesting and tells the players something about the NPC. Could be something like when the new recruit to the team comes in a bit late, she says “Hi guys, check my new gloves – I had to actually tear them from this chav chick’s hands over at the store. They were the last pair and I weren’t going to let some skank have them before me. So, what’s going on?” This is something that will help the players relate to the NPC a bit better instantly. Even if the game is about fighting supernatural terrors from beyond, a character that nearly got into a fight at the H&M will be remembered better and with more personal attachment than some cute chick with neat gloves.

In fact, keep a few different stories around for each character and tell them as the game progresses – to re-introduce the NPCs to the players every now and then. Maybe every few gaming sessions.

5 – Be Interested In What She Has To Say

Interaction is the core of RPGs. This means that you have to pay attention to what the other side is saying. And by paying attention, I mean really paying attention. What are the things that keep coming up again and again when they talk? Which parts of your GMing they react to? When are they being non-responsive? When you’re playing with other people, these are the ways they can and will give you clues of what they want from the game. Sometimes a direct approach helps (asking “What do you want from the game?”) but might also lead them to just bullshit their way out of the situation – telling you what you want to hear. What you want from the game. Thus, being interested in what they say when in actual game situations comes in handy.

Also, this leads to another seduction tip that I have to mention here – Eye contact. Eye contact. Eye contact. Don’t just observe, show that you’re observing. If you’re hunching into your rulebook while the player is trying to explain her ideas, you’re discouraging her. She will think that you’re dismissing her ideas outright and will not go all the way with them. Even if you were actually listening while reading, you’ll miss on content as the other party thinks you’re not interested.

4 – Mirror Her

Now, a mirroring technique in seduction means something where you are copying a person’s movements and gestures and eventually noticing how she starts to mimic you, and you’ll be able to get her bend over backwards for you. In RPGs the techniques are more about you being willing to let the players influence how the game works to get them drawn in and using that to your advantage.  If you paid attention a moment ago when I was talking about paying attention or even bothered to read the player’s character sheet, you already know quite many things about what a player wants to do in the game. And more often than not these wants and needs the player has are in opposition to your own ideas about what the game should be about.

How is it done? Simple. Pay attention when the players are explaining their characters to you and start the game with the players having their characters involved in exactly what they’re wanting. Give them positive things to associate with the game by doing what they like to do and then slowly introduce your own ideas.

The benefit of this is that the players get more excited about games where the things they like are happening. So if you give them a game where the focus is on these things, they’ll be eager for more, even when you start bringing in plot elements that aren’t the ones they were originally interested in.

3 – Learn From Each Encounter

Sometimes things go right, sometimes things go wrong. What is important is to know what worked and what didn’t.

After each game, try to think what was good and what was bad. And then think how to replicate the good in future games. And how to avoid the bad. Much more demanding than it sounds. Players are usually horrible at giving feedback, especially negative. You’ll have to listen to what they say went well and then fill in the holes as “ok, they didn’t say this thing was good. Was it mediocre or bad?” And every time you start a new gaming session, try to fix one of the things that have been going wrong and hold on to one of the things that went well (if you manage more, that’s even better, of course). Eventually you’ll get the hang of what went right and what went wrong.

2 – Don’t Say Things Just To Impress Her

A good player can spot bullshit a mile away. When you try to feed her stuff that is not really you, you’ll get made. Of course, as a Game Master, you will have to create NPCs and tell stories. But try to be something you’re not cut for and you’ll end up with the players rolling their eyes. If you can’t create great action scenes, settle on creating good ones, but make the social interaction great. If you have problems running games with huge complicated conspiracies, run games that don’t have them. And if you decide to make a scene that seems really cool, make sure both you and the players have emotional investment to it so that you’re not just running it to impress everyone while your heart is not in it.

Also, know your shit. The more things you need to pull out out your ass, the more your authority ends up under inspection. If you are playing with a new system, try to know most of it beforehand. And if you don’t know something, say “I’m not 100% sure about this, but is it okay with all of us if we use a variant of this rule here,” at least you’re being honest. And honesty can be a great thing when you’re getting called on doing things differently than the rulebook said.

1 – The Best Way To Get Over a Bad Lay Is To Have Ten Great Ones

And when everything went to hell, and half of the players aren’t talking to you anymore after you tried some experimental Norwegian artsy things they didn’t like, the best way to get back on the horse is to get back on the horse. Play something light everyone likes, don’t try too much. Roll AD&D characters and play a scenario you found on the internet while laughing together at how bad it is. The best way to get over a bad game is to ignore all the fancy things, all the roleplaying game theory you know, and just to hang out with your friends. And roll some dice.